“Separation Ambivalence”: When Divorce Has Begun, But Separation Has Not
Members of the California Institute for Consensual Dispute Resolution, Jon Kramer, LCSW, Heidi Tuffias, Esq., M.A., and Anna Addleman, CPA, CDFA, have co-authored an article titled “Separation Ambivalence”: When Divorce Has Begun, But Separation Has Not. The article introduces a concept the Institute has developed—separation ambivalence—to explain why some seemingly amicable CDR divorces stall or unravel despite everyone’s best intentions. Drawing on grief, attachment theory, and professional experience, the authors describe how this largely unconscious dynamic can quietly undermine decision-making, co-parenting, and progress in CDR cases. By learning to identify the warning signs and addressing separation ambivalence directly, CDR teams can refocus the process on what is truly blocking resolution and help families move toward a more stable, authentic, and respectful conclusion to their divorce.